


Slipping

by KeepsakeKey



Series: We're All A Little Fucked Up [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-06-16
Packaged: 2017-12-15 04:48:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeepsakeKey/pseuds/KeepsakeKey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel can feel himself slipping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slipping

There comes a point in one's life where you just have to say that you've had enough. Unfortunately, as an angel, that's a bit harder to do.

Castiel is counted on by many, by more people than he could even imagine. Just because he doesn't personally know these people doesn't change the facts. Just because those people don't know Castiel doesn't mean that they aren't looking towards him for help.

How many times have others been saved because of someone elses' actions? How many times has it all gone unnoticed?

Castiel is not just a guardian for Dean and Sam Winchester. Their lives are not the only ones in his hands. He holds the lives of many humans, all trusting him without their knowing. 

If Lucifer prevails, then the world is doomed. If Michael gets hold of a vessel, then the world will be destroyed. If Raphael starts up the apocalypse again, then the world will burn. If Naomi gets the angel tablet, then the world will suffer.

And so Castiel does what he must. Although his actions are primarily fueled by his love for his charges, he also distantly realizes that it's not just Dean and Sam's lives that will be effected, but the entire worlds'. And really, when paired against the lives of billions, what's the sanity of one angel?

Because Castiel can feel himself slipping. Every order disobeyed, every live failed to save. He's crumbling, and he's not certain that he can fix it. He doesn't even know if he would want to. Everything he has done, he knows, has made him better. But at the same time, it may literally be killing him. But if that's the price, then he should be happy to pay it.

Unlike what his brothers and sisters believe, the humans are worth it. Yes, they can be horrible, self-destructive, murderous, distasteful... And yet there's still good in them. There's always one that tries to make a difference, that attempts to make the world a better place. Gabriel had it right: some of them do try.

When he took in the souls from Purgatory, and his body started to break down, he could have laughed at the irony had he understood it. For the first time in his existence, his outside had perfectly mirrored his inside.

He was always different, even if he could not remember. He had always had different ideas than most of the other host, always tried to help the humans. Lucifer had tried to compare the two of them, but in reality, Castiel may think he's more like Prometheus than anyone else. Ready to sacrifice himself for what he believes in, for the good of others.

His memories being removed didn't change a thing. Over and over, he continued to fight the others, continued to do the right thing. It's probably a miracle that he has been allowed to live for so long. That he had not been cast down beforehand, or just outright killed. 

Maybe it's a good thing that he was finally slipping, because he doesn't know how much longer he can carry on. He'll go on as long as possible, fighting for what he believes in, but eventually he won't be able to fight, and he can feel that time coming. Not too long now...

But in the mean time, he is Castiel, angel of the Lord, warrior of God.


End file.
